Intimate Feelings

The one thing that I wanted was there for me all along Obviously I was stupid enough to think I dont have it yet When I had it, everything was beautiful Everything was in my control Felt like I needed nothing And when Its gone, I lost it all Now, I constantly fight with myself to get it back A battle unknown, which I can never win even in my virtual world And I'm continuously loosing in this real world Cant escape my mind and my heart which keeps telling me that I screwed up Will it come back Will it be as good as it was Will it be my power again Will it be with me forever Will I be good enough Will I be strong enough to be the same Will I be alive till then

Be it an exam, an interview or any event which sounds surprising or scary... I just call my lucky charm and to my surprise she always knew there is something I need and her wishes worked each and every time... She was like an angel amidst a desert... my pain healer and a peace keeper for everyone is what I get to hear from others... Every year I wait for this day to wish her and I wish she were here with me... Happy Mother's Day Amma !

Well, My mind goes numb whenever I think about you deeply. So, I thought of looking at my situation in a new perspective. I just let you leave this world because I thought you would struggle more if U are there.. Was that a mistake because now I'm suffering to fill that void you've created in my life. Yes, people thought I dont love you because I didnt cry for you... but you and I know how much we love each other and I alone know how much tears I lost every night after you left. I sometimes feel guilty that even you thought I dont love you much because I was not much around you and didn't visit you whenever I could. Does writing like this make me feel any better... NO and YES because I'm crying and writing. Sometimes, I get angry on myself for forgetting that you are not here anymore... Above all this I have to take care of the person whom you loved most without showing how I feel inside. So, I'm basically messed up inside with a smile on the outside :) ...

I was just moving around the house and having a casual talk with my mother... Was soo happy I don't know why... and started holding her hand and looking deeply in to her eyes... Suddenly I remember that she is dead and her image started fading away... I asked her, "Mom, you are dead, how come you are here"... She held me tight and said "I wanted to tell you something......" And I shouted "what is it? What is it?".. I knew I'm out of my dream but I really want to listen what she was going to say next... I woke up from my dream to realize that I'm really shouting in the middle of the night and there were tears in my eyes... Same dream occurred twice but she never told what she wanted to... Miss You Mom !

I cheated him, saying that everything is fine Neither I can stop him or take care of him, I'm just in the same state as he is in... I cheated everyone, assuring that I can handle it I cheated my friends saying that I am fine Nothing was in my hands, she is going to leave us alone... I knew it very early but I had to keep it myself And cheat everybody that she is fine...

After I had to leave you alone, I started searching for a new companion.. Found a good looking & loving girl but had to break her heart, because you are still in my heart.. Came back from a far off place to live near you, but I had to watch you from a far off place... We've always met, but we have nothing to share... This time you left me and went of to a far off place... Slowly slowly you avoided me and I kept trying... Found out that you started moving on and this time it broke my heart... Wanted you to forget me totally and I had to hurt you... Now I'm left with an empty heart...