Intimate Feelings

Well, My mind goes numb whenever I think about you deeply. So, I thought of looking at my situation in a new perspective. I just let you leave this world because I thought you would struggle more if U are there.. Was that a mistake because now I'm suffering to fill that void you've created in my life. Yes, people thought I dont love you because I didnt cry for you... but you and I know how much we love each other and I alone know how much tears I lost every night after you left. I sometimes feel guilty that even you thought I dont love you much because I was not much around you and didn't visit you whenever I could. Does writing like this make me feel any better... NO and YES because I'm crying and writing. Sometimes, I get angry on myself for forgetting that you are not here anymore... Above all this I have to take care of the person whom you loved most without showing how I feel inside. So, I'm basically messed up inside with a smile on the outside :) ...

I was just moving around the house and having a casual talk with my mother... Was soo happy I don't know why... and started holding her hand and looking deeply in to her eyes... Suddenly I remember that she is dead and her image started fading away... I asked her, "Mom, you are dead, how come you are here"... She held me tight and said "I wanted to tell you something......" And I shouted "what is it? What is it?".. I knew I'm out of my dream but I really want to listen what she was going to say next... I woke up from my dream to realize that I'm really shouting in the middle of the night and there were tears in my eyes... Same dream occurred twice but she never told what she wanted to... Miss You Mom !

I cheated him, saying that everything is fine Neither I can stop him or take care of him, I'm just in the same state as he is in... I cheated everyone, assuring that I can handle it I cheated my friends saying that I am fine Nothing was in my hands, she is going to leave us alone... I knew it very early but I had to keep it myself And cheat everybody that she is fine...